hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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