Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
