If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
