she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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