Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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