Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i love accidental penises.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
