U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
