similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
its liver damage thursday
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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