a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
