I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
