I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize