I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Randomize
