just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i think my cat just said my name.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
