If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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