3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
