I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
did i walk over a car last night?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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