Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize