Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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