apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
