my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You took a bar mat shot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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