oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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