what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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