ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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