So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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