I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
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