It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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