So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
