That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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