Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
