Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have already put on my inside pants.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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