John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
