Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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