I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I supernannyed him into submission
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize