you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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