So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
