just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I party with great urgency now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
