What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
this hospital has no fireball
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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