Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
