My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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