im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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