It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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