wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
