he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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