i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
