Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
