I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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