u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
