no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
