I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
