i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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