I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Randomize
