i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
