please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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