she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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