I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
