i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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