i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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