Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize