A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
