dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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