it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
