We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
