Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
