how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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