She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize