return my video game
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
