Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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