Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
