...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
