i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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