i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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