Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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