omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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