She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
