Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
