They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I faked an abortion last night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
