his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Actions speak louder than pants.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
