a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
