i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
