Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
