I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
