____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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