We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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