And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
