He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
