guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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