textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
