So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
