That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize