how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
