dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
