why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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