there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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