So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
