We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
