She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
