I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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