Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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