Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
