What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
