The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
