my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
