I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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