My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
