Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
