i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
