I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
