I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
