i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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