watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
