I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
