so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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