I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
